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SELF FORGIVENESS?
by Liliana B.
Some time ago I was chatting with a person who was struggling because of his past; he was thinking how unfair he was with some people in his old sentimental relationships; however, he was still attracted to partners of conflict. I talked to him about the idea of self forgiveness in order to start undoing the guilt, yet, he said: “If you forgive yourself then you will become a cold and merciless person”. For him, self forgiveness was almost a sociopathic behavior, because then, any person would be able to harm humanity without regret, and eventually would live his life in a happy way: for him no guilt is no compassion.
He needed to feel guilt in order to “make himself a better human being”. By feeling guilty he could redeem himself from the ones he had harmed, and thus avoid acting out atrocities in the future. If he didn’t, he would become the worst man in the world. He held onto the guilt because he thought this was helping him to live a better life. This kind of reasoning cannot be but madness because no one who keeps feelings of sin and grievances could be in peace. The only thing guilt can offer you is a self identity of a miserable person who deserves all punishment. That’s why he was so attracted to devastating relationships.
I make all things my enemies, so that my anger is justified and my attacks are warranted. W-51.5:4
No one needs guilt in order to avoid acting without compassion against his brother. The only thing that you have done is to defend a wrong thought system which has harmed you. When you understand if you attack your brother you attack yourself, you will stop doing it, then you will begin to love yourself. Only in this way you can love those who surround you. When you lay down your defenses, you stop perceiving attacks and you realize also it is impossible to attack. And now, take it one step further and see that there wasn’t anyone outside of you who you could attack. You were always attacking yourself because your brother is you.
There is nothing to forgive because you were just dreaming a dream of death and the reality that God has given to us has nothing to do with suffering. You have all the power to awaken and begin to experience peace. Forgive yourself what you think has happened and start to live your life with serenity. Understand you don’t need guilt, you don’t need an attack and defense thought system. The only thing that you need is to forgive yourself and extend love.
